Linguistics

by Kersti Halls

This is one of a number of short stories entered into Editorial Training's 2010 writing competition, and which we thought deserved to see the light of day. Enjoy!

***

Hopknis puhsed the maunsrcipt aawy form him, as if it was soemtihng coantgious.

"Suerly yro'ue not seirous?" he siad, tugigng unmcofrotably at the kont in his tie.

"Of curose I'm seirous," siad his cilent, setaed opspoite.

"Tihs is nohitng lkie the fsirt darft you shweod me!" Hopknis cuold feel the tihtngess in his vcoie. Tihs book was giong to be the one, he had thgouht wehn he had cmoe out of the metineg wtih Daowsn and Talyor hainvg sessuccfully notiegated a trhee book dael. The one that wuold bnrig in the mnoey. The one that wulod svae his agnecy. His cilent smeild and siad, "I've had a rwreite."

"But yro'ue bkreaing all the reuls!" He beagn to sewat. The maunsrcipt was all reday ltae. Motnhs ltae. The pbliusher was geinttg impieatnt.

"It's not aubot reuls." His cilent unbridged his hadns and let tehm rset on the deep-red letaher amrs of the chiar. "So lnog as the fsirt and the lsat leettr of a wrod are in the rihgt pclae, it deson't mtater waht odrer the rset are in. We pcroess wrods as a wohle, not letetr by leettr. I'm innteding to witre all my maunsrcipts lkie tihs. It's not aobut reuls," he siad aagin.

Hopknis bgean tapinpg the piont of his perkapnife on the dsek in frnot of him, as if his hnad wree in a sapsm.

"Look," siad his cilent, tunring his pamls subsmisively upawrds. "I konw tihs wans't waht we areged. But the wrlod of pulisbhing nedes a good sakhe up."

"My god, man, tihs is my wolrd yro'ue tainlkg aobut! Yuor wrlod! You cna't jsut reranarge thgins—" Hopknis bkroe off, puhisng his chair vileontly bcak as he got up form his saet. He wlkead oevr to the frie and lenat on the mlpianteece. Hopknis srtaed itno the flmaes. "Tinhgs hvae to be in odrer. The crreoct odrer."

His cilent snoertd. "Lfie is not aubot the crreoct odrer." He gvae a hlloow lgauh.

"Tihs is not a laguhing maettr!" Hopknis could feel his face beginning to burn form the haet but dind't turst hisemlf to trun runod. "You cna't jsut go aournd chganing the Enligsh lanugage beucase it siuts you. It wlil cearte paonndemium!"

"Dno't be riculdious! It's prfeect. Jsut raed it aigan."

"I dno't wnat to bolody wlel raed it aaign!" he shutoed itno the frie. "You cna't. I...I cna't alolw it."

"I hradly thnik you are in a potision to sotp me. The ctraonct is singed."

Hopknis tigenhted his girp ronud the hadnle of the perkapnife. The rlecefted flmeas dcaned up the stailenss setel bldae.

About Kersti Halls

Since leaving school back in the early 90s, Kersti has been steadily working her way through the career alphabet, having tried pretty much everything from Boom Operating, to being a Horse Riding Instructor, Personal Assistant and Stuntwoman (not all at the same time). She currently works at Oxford University Press as a Senior Development Editor.

Kersti graduated with a BA in Imaginative Writing (First Class) from John Moores University in Liverpool. She went on to do MA in Writing at the same university. She writes poetry and prose and has so far clocked up a number of children's books, a novel and numerous poems. She is currently working on her first feature-length screenplay.

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